


My Sunshine

by Castiel_For_King



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, no redeeming qualities what so ever, sad as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 21:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6211177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_For_King/pseuds/Castiel_For_King
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You'll never know, dear, how much I love you</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Sunshine

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

Dean took Cas' face in his blood-stained hands and pressed his lips to the angel's forehead, hating the way they trembled. Cas' skin was warm and the sign of life had relief ripping a fierce, molten path through his chest.

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

Blue eyes stared – weary and dazed – up at him and Dean's throat seized with the mass of everything he'd said and had yet to say. He'd gotten the important words out – _I love you_. He'd brought Cas back from the edge – _I need you_. He had time now to say everything else. Later, when they got back home.

_You'll never know, dear, how much I love you_

Cas was heavy in his shaking arms, but the way his lungs kept drawing breath made Dean feel like he could carry the angel all the way back to the bunker himself. So long as Cas kept breathing, Dean would too.

_So please don't take my sunshine away_

Dean was sure they made it home, but the edges of his room were too fuzzy and the library and the kitchen began to eclipse each other and push through the walls of his bedroom. The space behind where Cas was standing by the kitchen sink – with a wide smile and pink cheeks – grew dark, a shadow looming up behind him and leeching the colour from his skin.

_The other night, dear, as I lay sleepin'_

He found Cas in the cradle of his arms again, but he was heavier now and his eyes were no longer weary and dazed, they were just empty, staring up past Dean like he wasn't even there. When he pressed his lips to the angel's forehead, his skin was cold.

_I dreamed I held you in my arms_

Something cold and black was filling the space behind Dean's ribs, stealing the breath from his lungs. Just past where his bloody fingers were curled in a trench coat stiff with dried blood, he could make out blackened, charred bits of floor through the blur in his eyes.

_When I awoke dear, I was mistaken_

Dean jerked awake and managed to roll to the edge of his bed, retching over the side, and he remembered while the acid sting of bile seared up his throat and claws tore at his rotten insides. The burn marks on his arms still stung and he told himself that was why his face was sticky with dried tears. He told himself it was the physical mark of Castiel's death that was causing his eyes to fill again now – and not the loss; not the gaping chasm where his heart used to be.

_So I hung my head and I cried_

The darkness in the room seemed as much inside of him as it was outside and Dean wondered why his lungs kept breathing – wondered why they continued to draw air when Castiel's didn't.

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

It was hard to remember what his world had looked like before Castiel's light had been taken from it. He was sure there had been colour and life instead of grey and shadows.

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

He stared up at the ceiling, wishing he'd taken the time to memorize all the ways Cas had made his world better. Wishing he'd taken the time to _tell_ Cas all the ways he'd made Dean's world better.

_You'll never know, dear, how much I love you_

He tried to hold on to the dream as tightly as he'd held on to Cas; tried to hold on to how it might have felt if he hadn't failed.

_So please don't take my sunshine away_

But it slipped between the cracks in his hold just as Castiel had.

 


End file.
